Where can I begin? Where can anyone begin to articulate the balance between the flood of emotions and hollow shell that overcomes you when faced with the death of a loved one. Everything in me screams but without sound... and then there is that little voice in my head that tells me that I have no right to be sad, no place to suffer this emotion... that my life is so beautiful and I am so blessed that how dare I waste a moment thinking I have a right to grieve.
Indeed, my life is beautiful and I am abundantly blessed. I couldn't ask for more. I am humbled.
What is it that creates this dichotomy? This bi-polar conflict between floating and fighting? I suppose I merely fall short of knowing how to deal with emotions... I am but compensating for this inablity to process and deal with my emotions. At my age and with my education and faith I would have thought otherwise, but again I am humbled. Again I am convicted that I need not look at myself to heal or to grieve but to the Lord. I need but fall into the same arms that spread wide on the cross. There I am able to melt, and weep and heal.
"Lord, break my heart with what breaks Yours"
